I’m a quitter!
I ragequit my job two Mondays ago. Yeah, the brand new job, the one that I just joined.
One day, I will talk more specifically about what went down, but for now suffice to say that an excessive multitude of straws accumulated on this ol’ gal’s back within a span of just seven short weeks.
This is the first time in over six years that I don’t have a stable monthly income. It’ll just be me, my husband, and the cafe (with all the coffee and baked treats). That’s terrifying — I have bills to pay and mouths to feed (typing this all out makes it feel so real, wow). I’m unmoored. Oh god. How will I pay for everything? I’m so used to being the “fixer”, and since that Monday I’ve been up a little later than I should be, worrying if this is something I can’t fix.
But to tell you the truth, the new role hadn’t felt “right“ even from the first week. There were really long and weirdly emotional “alignment” calls. The commute to the capital city took precious time away from my babies. Even back in January my husband was telling me to leave, to let go. That we’d figure it all out together.
But fear is a great motivator :(
Last month, as I was packing my bags for the commute, my daughter told me that she wished I could just stay home. At the time I reacted defensively. I said something along the lines of, “I’m doing this for you! What about other parents? They have to work from the office five or even six days a week, whereas I’m only gone for two! You should be grateful! I’m trying my best!”
Fortunately, this month, I can apologize and sit down to spend more meaningful time with her.
I don’t know how things are gonna be going forward, but I am so blessed and so thankful that I even have the opportunity to try and build things properly with my love of my life and my babies.